Written by Andrew Kung. All opinions expressed in this article belong to the author. Beauty is a new section of CNN Style. I always knew that, as an Asian American man growing up in the United States, I wasn’t as desirable or “American” as my peers. As a kid, I never saw Asian men dating outside of our race, or with white women especially. Non-Asian women felt inaccessible, fueling a preexisting feeling of invisibility — one driven by micro-aggressions, a lack of representation and, ultimately, stereotypes that painted us as passive, emasculated boys lacking sex appeal and a voice.
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Abe Kim’s TikTok video calling out the fetishization of Asian men has received millions of views and thousands of comments in just one week.
One user on Reddit posted a photo of the sign with the single-word rejoinder, “Kinda,” and the sixty-something comments that followed teased apart the the moral subtleties of dating within or outside of one’s own ethnicity or race. Reading through the thread feels like opening a Pandora’s Box, the air suddenly alive with questions that are impossible to meaningfully answer. Dating sites and services tailored to race, religion, and ethnicity are not new, of course.
JDate, the matchmaking site for Jewish singles, has been around since If you are ethnically Japanese, looking to meet ethnically Japanese singles, there is JapaneseCupid. Take a small half turn in the wrong direction, and there are dark places on the Internet like WASP Love, a website tagged with terms like “trump dating,” “alt-right,” “confederate,” and “white nationalism.
‘Subtle Asian Traits’ and ‘Subtle Asian Dating’ Are Raising Good Questions
An Asian fetish is a strong sexual or romantic preference for persons of Asian descent, especially East or Southeast Asian descent and to some extent South Asian descent. The fetishization of East Asians by people of other ethnicities is sometimes described by the derogatory term yellow fever. Asian women are often stereotyped as being subservient, passive, and quiet. This portrayal persists today, along with the idea of Asian women—and, to a lesser extent, men—being exotic and submissive.
In the afterword to the play M.
As more details around the death of George Floyd are revealed, other developments, including that the ex-officer charged with murder in the case was married to a Hmong American woman, have prompted discussion. It’s also led to a spate of hateful online remarks in the Asian American community around interracial relationships. The ex-officer, Derek Chauvin, was fired the day after Floyd’s death and now faces murder and manslaughter charges.
The day after his arrest last month, his wife, Kellie, filed for divorce , citing “an irretrievable breakdown” in the marriage. She also indicated her intention to change her name. Many experts feel the reaction is symptomatic of attitudes that many in the community, especially certain men, have held toward women in interracial relationships, particularly with white men. Sung Yeon Choimorrow, executive director of the nonprofit National Asian Pacific American Women’s Forum, told NBC Asian America that by passing judgment on Asian women’s interracial relationships without context or details essentially removes their independence.
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She seemed to really like the fact that I was Asian. She grew up watching K-pop, and said she would always think, Asian guys were so cute. The “cute” had the tone one would use when describing a baby. I joined and saw thousands of Asian men and black women engaging in a rich cultural exchange. They were posting photos of themselves, discussing social justice, sharing viral videos.
And even though I’ve had to reconcile stereotypes used against me—as a Muslim man, people see us as these overly aggressive, possessive.
What was supposed to be a one-hour coffee date had evolved into a nine-hour marathon. We had a lot in common, having experienced what some might describe as all-American upbringings. Over dinner, we connected when we opened up about our strained relationships with our mothers and how we came into our own when we went to college out of state. Our thoughts and values mirrored each other, as did our Myers-Briggs personality types.
I smiled, expecting something from one of the countless jokes we had shared that day. After talking nonstop all day, I was at a loss for words. Her parents immigrated from Taiwan. Mine came from mainland China. She gave a halfhearted laugh.
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Artwork by Christina Chung. Christina Chung for NPR hide caption. A young woman discovers a disturbing pattern in her dating life – a pattern that challenges her very conception of who she is and what she believes in. The realization sets her off on a quest to change her attractions. But is this even possible? And should we be hacking our desire to match our values?
If you’re looking for a deeper dive into the science of preferences, racial preference hierarchies and their impact, or the history and politics of Asian-American sexuality, here are some of the academic resources we used to research this episode.
In a speed-dating study conducted at Columbia University in , Asian men also had the most difficulty getting a second date. My parents grew up financially unstable in China. They look back at it and laugh now, but my mother recalls having to share one bowl of rice for dinner with all her siblings. Whenever the rice got too low in the bowl, they would add water to make the illusion that there was more food.
The apocalyptic internet movement QAnon is gaining followers by the thousands, and churches are slow to respond. Trump administration efforts are starting to mend a foster care system that has been in crisis for years. Journals Sophia’s World. These stereotypes absolutely exist, and they are harmful. For me, it hits close to home. Conversations about racial stereotypes might not pop up in certain social circles in America, but they do in mine. Plus, I am a Korean American woman dating a blond, blue-eyed, German-blooded man born and raised in North Dakota to a baseball-obsessed, Baptist, Republican family.
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Subscriber Account active since. Abe Kim downloaded TikTok one month ago, but his content has already racked up over 2 million likes and his account has accrued nearly , followers. The model and college junior recently achieved viral fame for a video he posted addressing an issue he faces in his dating life in California. In the tongue-in-cheek video, the college student lies on a bed, spotting Totoro-themed objects around an unfamiliar room “My Neighbor Totoro” is a Japanese animated fantasy movie with an enthusiastic and dedicated fandom.
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There are many myths and stereotypes when it comes to dating asian guys. Some are completely outlandish and some are, well, a little more spot on. Multiple articles and studies discuss how cultural stereotypes of Asian men may make them less attractive to women of all races, including Asians. According to the U. This frustration is not being taken lightly.
Asian males are not portrayed as masculine, whereas Asian females are stereotyped as submissive, exotic. The good news for Asian males is that as online dating is becoming less and less taboo, there are a lot more asian dating sites ready to help make meeting potential matches easier. No argument there.